Filth!

Yesterday felt like the first day of spring here! To capture the zest of the season, I longed for the sharp flavor of a blue cheese. I paired it with apple slices to soften the edges (and make it palatable for my 7-year old) and served it on rustic rye bread.  

My all-time favorite tool (besides the pencil) is the vacuum cleaner. If it were up to me, the person who invented the vacuum cleaner should be awarded the Nobel Prize and a lifelong vacation in the sun. I love everything about this tool (or weapon if you will) – everything from its aggressive, wheezing sound to its instant efficiency. Oh, the satisfying feeling of inserting a new, fresh bag into the vacuum cleaner! My favorite brand is Electrolux. We had one when I grew up. It worked well for decades, until one day it suddenly smelled like rotten fish, and we had to throw it out.

As I write this, I have three pans and one pot soaking in hot, soapy water in the kitchen sink. One has to keep the filth of life at bay, especially now that spring is around the corner. Last night I washed three pairs of my son’s underwear and two of his T-shirts by hand. I hung them up to dry on my husband’s pull-up bar in the kitchen, turned on the fan and went to bed. It gives me satisfaction to use my hands. In the hardware store downstairs they sell an old-fashioned washboard for $20, which I am seriously thinking about purchasing. It sits in the window, tilted in such a way that its metallic ripples catch the rays of the sun. It sits there, teasing and titillating me with its existence every time I pass by, promising a squeaky clean life.

The most boring thing to clean is the fridge. Sometimes I get lazy, and wait until I smell something suspicious. Then there’s nothing to do but to drop whatever you’re doing and get at it. Hot soapy water and a good sponge will do. I also don’t like to clean behind furniture (unless it is vacuuming behind a sofa, which usually produces a thrill unlike no other) mostly because Lord only knows what one might find there. A sock? The remains of an apple? Lego pieces? Bread crumbs for sure. Every once in a while I fall down on my knees and, armed with an old toothbrush dipped in a bottle of Soft scrub with Bleach, eradicate mounds of grime and then I just hope and pray it will stay somewhat un-filthy for a while.

Dusting is a “meh” sort of activity. It doesn’t yield the surprising result of a good wiping session. And it’s boring. It is an activity one can easily and without guilt delegate to a younger family member.

Cleaning cat bowls and changing litter? No fun.

There’s also the daily cleaning and grooming of the self. A repetitious task that can be done while you go through your laundry list. I don’t have a favorite soap or facial mask (though Origins Clear Improvement does a good job sucking out the nasties of your pores). My favorite toothpaste is the cinnamon clove one by Tom’s of Maine. I always use men’s deodorant. I have no idea why. Perhaps because I can’t stand the scent of baby powder that so often accompany ladies’ deodorants? My favorite is Mitchum. It used to be Old Spice but now it’s Mitchum.

My professional career as a cleaning lady began when I was a college student. I didn’t want to live in a dorm room (I’m too much of an introvert for that sort of thing), so in order to be able to afford my own apartment, I took on these early-morning-before-lectures cleaning jobs. The first one was in a bakery/café. I had to be there very early (around 4 in the morning) to clean the tables and chairs and in between, while the bakers were baking and humming in the kitchen. I loved this job. It’s unreal how much cash one can find on the floor of a café. It’s unreal how good fresh bread tastes early in the morning.

Next, I advanced to shoe stores because, well, I like shoes more than bread. The first shoe store sold the most amazing Italian shoes, the kind that no student could ever dream of. Except, of course, me, since I was the cleaning lady and got a 75% discount. This store had an enormous marble floor that had to be cleaned with loads of hot, hot, hot water and some special soap. It took forever to dry, so while it dried I tried on shoes. I primped and pranced in front of the giant mirrors. Being alone in that shoe store was like acting out a Cinderella dream. My favorite pair of shoes, which I had to save for quite some time to make mine, were crimson-colored ballerina shoes with a square toe, dipped in a metallic grey. They looked incredibly luxe with matching red, translucent stockings and my mother’s old navy suede swing coat.

The next shoe store was not as first-class, but I desperately needed something different and I had grown tired of the marble floor. By the time I began working here, however, I was close to being done with my degree and cleaning (shoe stores or other places) wasn’t a priority anymore.

Now, I will go refill my coffee and take out my pot and pans. Spring-cleaning has officially begun.