Manners Out the Window

Sometimes we have people (friends mostly) stay overnight. On those occasions I like to offer a different sort of breakfast, a "buffet" you might call it. Above I have curated a few different flavors, that I feel are great to experiment with. Cocktail cherries, cherry tomatoes, a pancake from yesterday's breakfast (it shows you are frugal) and a variety of crackers. For fun and as a decorative element, I have sprinkled unsweetened coconut flakes over the entire spread. 

When my son was but a wee infant, we purchased Munro Leaf’s classics How to Behave and Why and Manners Can Be Fun. Little did we know that those seemingly simple books with equally simple stick figures (only partially colored) would be so popular with our little one. By now they’ve been read to threads.

I used to long for similar types of books for adults, for I often felt there was a lack of manners in the folks I met on a regular basis.

Last weekend, a friend of mine back home complained about the lack of manners, or lack of “social competence”, as she called it. It hurt her, she said. She had been brought up with good manners, she wanted to teach her kids the same, and was therefore sad and a tad angry when other adults behaved poorly in the company of her kids. I commiserated with her.

“Those people aren’t worth me wasting their energy on them,” she said.

I agreed.

Then early this morning I had an epiphany! How about we just throw good manners out the window? It would solve so many things. It would also create an outlet for pent-up anger.

Let’s start with the basics: “Thank you” and “please”. What a weight would not be lifted from our collective shoulders if we were to do without them? I’d take whatever you offer me, and you’d give me whatever you feel like giving. No questions asked, no niceties needed. “Please” – oh, come on, isn’t it a bit out-dated? Like a Victorian gown or something?

“Please pass me the platter with the jellied eel.”

Who cares about jellied eels anymore? The same amount of people who cares to hear you say “please”. None.

See a pregnant lady on the subway? Why should you offer her your seat? Are you responsible for her pregnancy? Of course not! Didn’t you also pay your fare? Of course you did? Thus you should remain in your seat. Let the pregnant woman harass someone else, or better tell her to take a hike.

Next: Other people’s kids. In general they’re a nuisance, but so far you’ve been gritting your teeth trying to just put up with them buggers. No more! Why should you be Mr. or Mrs. Nice? Are you going to let some other folks’ rug rats detonate your home? No? No! Give them a spanking and see what they have to say for themselves. If they keep moaning, just jot down their address on a piece of paper, stick it to their jackets, and kick them out the door.

If you and me and everyone else just started to think about the most important thing of all, i.e. ourselves, the world would be a much better place. We wouldn’t have to waste our precious energy on others by uttering apologies and other words that once, eons ago, were considered basic morality, kindness.

You see our politicians? Look closely next time you have the TV on and politics is going on. Raise the volume. Hear that? You call that good manners? Well, we voted for those suckers, didn’t we? Maybe you and I can learn something from them. Tax evaders, smugglers, thieves, and folks committing frauds. Now, that’s true entrepreneurial spirit!

Let’s face it. It’s a rough world we live in; the sooner we prepare our children for it, the better. Let’s live as if it really is 2015 – let’s finally agree that good manners are a thing of the past that fills no function in today’s society.

Next time you’re feeling road rage, let your rage soar. It’s not your fault that the lady in front of you is 94 and blind? What’s she doing out and about anyway? This is your time of the day, and if she is in any way, shape, or form blocking her, then I give you permission – here and now – to block her right back. See what I mean? Getting rid of good manners unblocks a lot of clogged, pent-up anger.

APRIL FOOLS! APRIL FOOLS! APRIL FOOLS! APRIL FOOLS! APRIL FOOLS!