Tebok or Repairing the Damage

These lemon and poppy seed brioches are easy to make but take time, so beware! They are perfect with jam. I found the recipe here.

Living isn’t easy, that’s for sure, but when we consider the alternative, most of us find we don’t have much of a choice. Trials and tribulations tend to make us all a bit bruised; yet here we are, hanging on.

My early childhood wasn’t exactly happy, and as a preteen I used to walk home from school wondering when life was going to begin for real. I used to wish life were different. Or elsewhere. It actually took me some time to realize that life is right here and right now, and that “good” or “bad” are just labels I give it, not necessarily the true state of things. I also realized that there’s no more life in London, Paris, Tokyo, or on some island in the Caribbean than where I happen to be, and that if I want some sort of satisfaction, I’d better make the best of the here and now, no matter what it looks like. It may sound silly, but it took me years to understand this on a level that isn’t just intellectual. And there are still days when I don’t.

But what if you cannot come to this realization? Or what about those days when you struggle with this concept? When you are stuck? As I grew older, I knew I wasn’t alone in having these nagging thoughts of could haves and should haves and grass appearing greener somewhere else. I saw people battling these same issues all the time. People who weren’t quite happy with how things had turned out. People who felt there was something more out there. People stuck on the What Ifs of life. Many of those people drowned their disappointments in alcohol, drugs, gluttony, depression, jealousies, envy, and a whole slew of other destructive behaviors.

According to the old Chinese classic the I Ching or the Book of Changes, there’s help in numbers. I Ching contains 64 hexagrams, and each comes with a special word of wisdom and a text that will give the one seeking advice guidance in life. Throughout the years, these hexagrams have been used to interpret different kinds of divinations.

The 18^th hexagram, also known as Gu, focuses on the very issue of repair. If you ask I Ching for advice and Gu comes up, that means you have to address the damage in life in order to continue with confidence. Instead of camouflaging past pains through addiction or by sweeping issues under the carpet, you need to take time to deal with past obstacles or problems. Confront and overcome them. The question is how do you do that?

Nobody can tell you how to climb your personal mountains or fight your battles, but the advice to be in the moment, living in the here and now, is the best advice I’ve ever received. To live in the moment, we have to stop focusing on ourselves and look at what’s going on around us and appreciate it. One thing might be to listen to another person. Really listening to another person is sometimes all it takes to turn a day from sour to sweet. It can repair damages in your life like nothing else.

I’m going to give an example:

Last night, last evening actually, when my son and I were alone, an 11-year old boy came knocking on our door, asking if he could use the phone to call his mom. He had forgotten his key at school. His name was Tebok. After he called her, I asked him to come inside and wait for her to come home. He was here for an hour or so. He told us about school, about competing in ballroom dancing, about a dog he had had, about a kitten with a broken leg, about being stung by jellyfish one summer, about maybe moving to his grandmother in Michigan, about maybe going to Hawaii with his mom. As he talked, I forgot about the load of laundry sitting like a mountain on the sofa, my son forgot about his homework. We just listened to this 11-year old boy. After he left, it was as if the evening took on an altogether different hue.

“I wish he could come again,” my son said when we ate supper.

“Me too,” I said.

It’s still winter here, but spring is around the corner. Spring is associated with renewal and revival, with life. Spring carries with it hope and the opportunity to resuscitate that which we have abandoned as beyond repair.

I hope you have a great weekend. See you again on Monday.