Change?

Today's breakfast: French toast with maple syrup and fresh berries. Orange juice.

The New Year is upon us, which brings to mind the issue of resolutions. Although this year my resolution is to not have any, I’m still intrigued by the idea. Who doesn’t like the promise of a fresh start, a new beginning? Out with the old and in with the new. Oh, the alluring prospect of the blank page, upon which nothing has yet been written! The problem is that I don’t believe it, because I know myself all too well. However, I really want to give this year – 2015 – a chance, so my question is whether real change is even possible, and if it is, how one goes about it? I am not talking about pounds lost or bad habits broken, however difficult and amazing these changes may be, but a change that is more deep-seated. Is it possible to change the direction of one’s life in the middle of it? To go from being a pessimist to an optimist? To change steps in midstream? Take the Biblical story of the apostle Paul, who had a complete change of heart while traveling to Damascus - do we all need to be struck blind like him in order to see straight? Perhaps we do.

Because I’m a bit of a perfectionist by nature, I’m constantly trying to better or refine myself, but I tend to end up pretty much the same. Real change seems elusive; in the end I am the same old sourdough. I have very little patience, and this is particularly evident in my interactions with my son. I’m in my forties, time therefore is at a premium for me, but he’s seven and can afford to take his time, in fact, he needs to and should do so. Every morning is a battle of wills as I push and pull and yell myself sweaty prompting him to get ready for school. Trust me, it is not pretty and needless to say, this is a part of myself that I’m ashamed of. So, I would like to aim for more patient, calm mornings. Instead of my usual "radical change" scheme, I am going to try what I think of as the Domino technique, which means that if I do one little thing differently – not perfectly, just differently – my son’s and my interaction will be forced to change, just like the Domino game. I know this means that I will have to be much more mindful about the goings-on and exchanges during that short, precious time in the morning as we start our day. I will have to listen better, and maybe that’s the real secret: Listening. Ernest Hemingway said: “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” I will listen better in 2015.

What do you think? Do you think real change is possible? What would you like to change in yourself?

Have a happy, healthy, and safe New Year’s Eve and see you on the other side of this year.